We are Young

My sweet sister-in-law shared a beautiful letter with me that she wrote to Madison. I know the words came right from her heart. I cannot express how much it means to me that our beautiful baby touched her life in the way that it did and I am so thankful to have her in my life She wanted to post it to her blog with my permission, which of course I gave. Here's a link to her post dedicated to Madison, Mike and I: An Angel Above

I took my love and I took it down I climbed a mountain and I turned around And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills 'Till the landslide brought me down Oh, mirror in the sky What is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life? Mmm Mmm... Well, I've been afraid of changing 'Cause I've built my life around you But time makes you bolder Children get older I'm getting older too This song keeps playing in my head today.  I think it's a sign of how I've been feeling and where my mind is. Over the past three months we've climbed an enormous mountain, one that I never thought that I'd get to the top of, or if I'm even at the top. I'm not sure what the mountain signifies... maybe grief? maybe this journey? After we lost Madison and I went to my first Dr.'s appointment they told us to wait six months before trying to conceive again. I didn't know how...

Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. She is breathing, but she is dying. She may look young, but inside she has become ancient. She smiles, but her heart sobs. She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she IS NOT, all at once. She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.” Author unknown

The best Valentine's Day gift ever received is this sweet little puppy, she brings us so much happiness and unconditional love. We adopted her two weeks ago today but if feels like she's always been a part of our family, she fits right in and has adapted so well to us and her new home. There is nothing better right now than seeing that little tail wagging when I walk through the door.

I received my beautiful custom charm necklace in the mail today from My Forever Child .  My necklace was made with Madison's actual footprints which were laser etched from the scan below. I am so thrilled with the way it turned out. This brought a smile to my day! Madison's Footprints I smile every time I look at the second toe on the right foot... it is exactly like Mikes! This beautiful poem was also included with the charm...  

She took a piece of my heart that day, and i'm happy she did                           It belongs to her                      I will always be greatful of that space,  a forever mark of her impact

This video is so powerful, I cannot count the number of times that I have replayed this in the last week. The words spoken by these families are far to familiar to myself as I am sure that they are to anyone who has experienced the loss of a child. Please watch and share. 

Yet another wonderful session with my counselor last night, of the many things we discussed one thing seems to stick out in my head today. She asked me, If Madison could give you one gift what would it be? Just one? I replied. There are so many gifts that she has given me already... A gift of Love A gift of better communication with my husband, my family, and my friends A gift to be a more humble person I cherish these gifts that she has given to me and through my changed self it will always keep her memory and her spirit alive.

It amazes me how different peoples reactions are when I tell them I lost my baby. All in all I've only had to answer this question about six times. I know that it doesn't sound like an awful lot but each one still manages to throw me into a funk. Yesterday, three people, today one. I play these conversations over and over in my head and wonder how the other person took the news. It all starts with a sweet, innocent gesture, a simple: "So, how's the baby?" I reply, "Unfortunately, we lost her". If you can imagine the look of someone seeing a ghost, that's about the look I receive. I've heard: "I'm so sorry", "God Bless You", "that's not the answer that I was expecting" "Oh, I totally forgot!" (guessing this person knew and asked without thinking?!?) Some people blush and look like they want to run away, some gave me a hug, some say they will keep me in their prayers. And before you know ...

T he beauty within you Let the beauty within you unfold into this day. Feel how it is to be alive, in ways you have never experienced before. Imagine what you would do if you could do whatever you imagine. Then let go of your fears and mistaken thoughts of limitation, and live the best of what you imagine. Stop worrying and complaining about what you cannot do. Focus on the miraculous possibilities of what you can do. Let yourself be filled with joy just because you can be. Let yourself feel life’s innate goodness in every moment and every experience. Remind yourself how rich you are. Feel the true immensity of your good fortune, and you won’t be able to feel any worry or fear. Let your life on the outside be a faithful reflection of the limitless nature of your inner spirit. Live like who you truly are, and know how very good and rich it is. — Ralph Marston Read more: http://www.greatday.com/#ixzz2JwgDmUy6

Meet our new little four legged addition to our family, Dixie!  It was love at first sight for this little sweetheart. We adopted Dixie from the Atlanta Humane Society on Thursday, January 31st. She is a 2 1/2 month old terrier mix and weights 3.5 pounds   I never knew how much love and happiness this little puppy could bring. She has brought me so much love and peace in just the last three days. She is such a sweet girl who loves to be in our laps and snuggled up with us. My heart feels a little more whole with her in our lives.  Dixie and her sister at the Humane Society, I was so thrilled that her sister got adopted too that night by a wonderful family. Love at first sight! Holding Dixie before starting the adoption process and interview. I was so full of emotion and happiness I cried when I told the volunteer I was ready to take this puppy home! Sweet girl on the car ride home, she is already a spoiled puppy... I had the butt warmer on for h...