Skip to main content

Landslide

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Mmm Mmm...

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too

This song keeps playing in my head today.  I think it's a sign of how I've been feeling and where my mind is. Over the past three months we've climbed an enormous mountain, one that I never thought that I'd get to the top of, or if I'm even at the top.
I'm not sure what the mountain signifies... maybe grief? maybe this journey?

After we lost Madison and I went to my first Dr.'s appointment they told us to wait six months before trying to conceive again. I didn't know how to take these instructions because at that time all I could think about was becoming pregnant again right away, six months seemed like a lifetime away....
But here we are, three months later and 1/2 way there. Monday, February 18th was three months to the day that we lost our daughter and I cannot honestly say that I am mentally ready to be pregnant again. It's so strange that I couldn't wait at first, but now I am terrified. You would think it would be the opposite.

Comments

  1. HeatherMarch 6, 2013 at 10:59 AM

    Hi I'm Heather! Please email me when you get a chance, I have a question about your blog! LifesABanquet1(at)gmail.com

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Due Date

Welcome to 2013.....2013, the year we were so excited to become parents, have a family and welcome our daughter Madison into the world. When you first find out your "due date" the day is forever engraved in your mind, your body, and your soul. You tell everyone the date and circle every calendar that you own. You count down the weeks until your due date and say it countless times as it's usually the first thing someone asks you when they find out that you're pregnant.  For us January 10, 2013 is that date. There is no guarantee that she would have actually been born on this exact date, but as this date gets closer I can't stop wondering when her actual date of arrival would have been.  January 10th, it seemed like a lifetime away when I saw my first positive pregnancy test on May 4th 2012. I have to say that the 32 and 1/2 weeks that I was pregnant flew by very quickly.... and here we are now into January and I feel this empty feeling inside as I...
2 comments
Read more

My Forever Child

I received my beautiful custom charm necklace in the mail today from My Forever Child .  My necklace was made with Madison's actual footprints which were laser etched from the scan below. I am so thrilled with the way it turned out. This brought a smile to my day! Madison's Footprints I smile every time I look at the second toe on the right foot... it is exactly like Mikes! This beautiful poem was also included with the charm...  
2 comments
Read more

Mason's Birth Story

March 13, 2014: Even though we knew that I was going in at 5:00 am the next morning for a scheduled c-section, the day couldn't come fast enough. It had been a long nine months and we could not wait to meet our baby boy. The night before the big day, Mike and I ate an early dinner at Outback Steakhouse since we knew it was going to be the last good "going out to dinner" we would have in a few days, or possibly weeks. We went home, packed for the hospital, loaded the car and tried to relax. We got a few hours of sleep the night before, maybe 2-3 to be exact but we were running on adrenaline at that point. March 14, 2014, 3:30 am: The morning the alarms rang loud and clear! Time to go. We hopped in the car and drove straight to Northside Hospital, check in was a breeze and before we knew it I was in a hospital gown getting prepped for surgery.  The time flew by, right up until 7:00am when it was time for the epidural. After a very long hour of testing for numbness it was ...
2 comments
Read more