Skip to main content

My All American Girl, 1 month ago...


One month has passed since our daughter Madison became an angel. The past month has flown by so quickly and seems like a blur. It feels like just yesterday we were coming back home from the hospital. I miss feeling her move inside my belly and talking to her. I want to still talk to her because I know she is still listening I but find it hard to. I want her to know how much her Dad and I love her. 

 We still have not been able to bring home "her box" that was given to us at the hospital. It sits in my parent's living room along with the thumb print tree guest book from my baby shower and the beautiful bird house my mom decorated. I've seen it in there, I've glanced at it but I'm scared of it. We don't know for sure what all is in it other than a CD containing photos that were taken of her and her hand and foot prints. We were at my parent's house Saturday night and we had every intention of bringing it home.  When the time came to leave I chickened out.... I don't know why other than I'm just not ready. Mike says he's ready when I am. I don't know if their is a right or wrong answer or amount of time that will ever come. I am thankful for the box but it hurts to think that all that we have of our daughter is in that box. 

I can say that this past month has been really hard but we seem to be slowly getting back into the swing of things. I've been doing endless loads of laundry (and actually putting the clean clothes away) from being gone for two weeks, cleaning the house, cooking, and I even drove to Target by myself to do some Christmas shopping. I did walk around the store in a daze, but I was glad that I took that step to drive and to do it by myself. Mike went back to work while we were in Florida, but now that we are home he will thankfully be working locally so that he can attend my Dr.'s appointments. He loves doing yard work, organizing, cleaning, and re-organizing the garage.  I know for him, keeping busy helps to keep his mind off of everything. 

When I was pregnant with Madison I remember listening to this song every once in a while on my way to work in the mornings. I'd often find myself even crying thinking of our daughter and how she would have her daddy wrapped around her finger (I was very emotional during my pregnancy). 
Every time I hear this song I will aways think of our daughter Madison.


Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 18, 2012 at 11:03 AM

    All I can say to you my dear Sara is that you have an incredibly good life ahead of you and I too hurt deeply for you especially with all the emotions you " bear "
    They say time heals all wounds>>>>> I say not really.

    Love You
    David

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Due Date

Welcome to 2013.....2013, the year we were so excited to become parents, have a family and welcome our daughter Madison into the world. When you first find out your "due date" the day is forever engraved in your mind, your body, and your soul. You tell everyone the date and circle every calendar that you own. You count down the weeks until your due date and say it countless times as it's usually the first thing someone asks you when they find out that you're pregnant.  For us January 10, 2013 is that date. There is no guarantee that she would have actually been born on this exact date, but as this date gets closer I can't stop wondering when her actual date of arrival would have been.  January 10th, it seemed like a lifetime away when I saw my first positive pregnancy test on May 4th 2012. I have to say that the 32 and 1/2 weeks that I was pregnant flew by very quickly.... and here we are now into January and I feel this empty feeling inside as I...
2 comments
Read more

My Forever Child

I received my beautiful custom charm necklace in the mail today from My Forever Child .  My necklace was made with Madison's actual footprints which were laser etched from the scan below. I am so thrilled with the way it turned out. This brought a smile to my day! Madison's Footprints I smile every time I look at the second toe on the right foot... it is exactly like Mikes! This beautiful poem was also included with the charm...  
2 comments
Read more

Mason's Birth Story

March 13, 2014: Even though we knew that I was going in at 5:00 am the next morning for a scheduled c-section, the day couldn't come fast enough. It had been a long nine months and we could not wait to meet our baby boy. The night before the big day, Mike and I ate an early dinner at Outback Steakhouse since we knew it was going to be the last good "going out to dinner" we would have in a few days, or possibly weeks. We went home, packed for the hospital, loaded the car and tried to relax. We got a few hours of sleep the night before, maybe 2-3 to be exact but we were running on adrenaline at that point. March 14, 2014, 3:30 am: The morning the alarms rang loud and clear! Time to go. We hopped in the car and drove straight to Northside Hospital, check in was a breeze and before we knew it I was in a hospital gown getting prepped for surgery.  The time flew by, right up until 7:00am when it was time for the epidural. After a very long hour of testing for numbness it was ...
2 comments
Read more