Last night I could not sleep, I laid awake missing my nightly baby kicks. I remember how hard it was for me to get comfortable in the bed while I was pregnant as I wasn't supposed to sleep on my back or the fact that I couldn't sleep on my stomach. I am most comfortable sleeping on my stomach and for some strange reason last night I felt guilty for sleeping this way. During my pregnancy I tried every night to sleep on my left side, the side that is recommended for the best circulation.
Today I feel pressure, I feel pressure to be normal again. I feel pressure to get back into my normal routine. I feel like I am supposed to wake up one morning and be magically healed and for this pain to go away. I don't know where I am at in terms of the grieving process. I feel like one minute I am ok and the next I cannot breathe or cannot cope with this deep hurt and pain I feel inside. I know I am supposed to accept the fact that Madison is gone and look for something positive out of this, my husband has found this to be much easier than I have. I feel like he is starting to get annoyed with me... and my grief. Maybe not my grief but just my lack of drive and motivation. I just don't know how to snap out of it.
Speaking of steps.... I think I'm just going to head out for a long walk.
Today I feel pressure, I feel pressure to be normal again. I feel pressure to get back into my normal routine. I feel like I am supposed to wake up one morning and be magically healed and for this pain to go away. I don't know where I am at in terms of the grieving process. I feel like one minute I am ok and the next I cannot breathe or cannot cope with this deep hurt and pain I feel inside. I know I am supposed to accept the fact that Madison is gone and look for something positive out of this, my husband has found this to be much easier than I have. I feel like he is starting to get annoyed with me... and my grief. Maybe not my grief but just my lack of drive and motivation. I just don't know how to snap out of it.
Speaking of steps.... I think I'm just going to head out for a long walk.
This is Blake,
ReplyDeletePlease be strong I love you. You are going to have good days and bad days...thats normal. I know your thinking I couldn't understand, but I can feel and see your pain at times. You will make it through this. You are a good woman, and you will be strong....for her and for you!