Strength and Hope after Miscarriage and Stillbirth: One Woman's Journey

My Mom sent me a wonderful article written by Tracy Prisman called, "Strength and Hope after Miscarriage and Stillbirth: One Woman's Journey" It is beautifully written and a lot of her words hit home with my heart... I decided to re-post a few exerpts of her article in hopes that it may reach someone elses heart as well.

Why me?

The question, “why me?” comes back all the time. They say that if you gathered a group of people around several sacks with each sack containing a different problem, that we would choose to take the exact sack of problems that we are currently dealing with. It is hard to imagine that we could ever consciously choose to go through this, and yet deep down I do believe that this is true. It is also hard to look around and see others having kids all the time. I constantly have to remind myself that life is such that everyone has their own problems and no one’s life is perfect. Perfection is an illusion that we all see from the outside. To me, my problem seems like the worst thing ever, but others also have problems, which seem as big and hard to them as mine does to me, and maybe even worse.

The loss of a dream rather than a reality…

I lost my grandfather at the same time that I lost the baby; we were in the same hospital at the same time. I can’t help but compare the two losses. One is someone I knew my whole life, who was part of my daily life and the other was someone I didn’t know at all, but who was part of ME day and night for nine months. When you lose a grandfather you are upset because someone familiar will be missing and life will change without that person. It’s a strange concept, but when you lose an unborn baby, nothing is going to change at all. Life will continue just as it had been. What you are losing is “the dream”, the excitement and anticipation of having that baby. What you are also losing is control, control of your plans. It all seems so real and close and suddenly it is gone. I keep telling myself that the dream of having a baby has just been postponed for a year or two and what’s a couple of years in the scheme of life? It is difficult because I want a baby right now; I was expecting it right now. I live with the hope and certainty, beyond doubt though, that I will have a baby, a few babies, and a beautiful family. Maybe not right now, but hopefully soon.
Reaching out for support is not a weakness but a strength…

Fear for the future…

I can’t help but worry about the future, what if this happens again or even a few times more? How could I ever deal with it again? The thought of even being pregnant again after all this trauma is hard to imagine. How will I get through nine months of constant worry and panic? I have decided that the chances of this happening again are far less than the chances that it will all work out, so why focus on the less likely situation? I want to enjoy my next pregnancy as much as I enjoyed my last one, so I am going to train my mind to chase away all the negative thoughts. I will try and transform this horrible experience into something positive for the future. I will never take my pregnancies for granted, nor my children. I believe that I will appreciate everything so much more. There are so many miracles around us that we take for granted…just having a healthy baby is a miracle that I will never, ever take for granted again.

Everything passes. Nothing stays the same…

There are days when I feel so bad! I have no strength or patience to deal with anything. I despair and feel that there is no hope and that everything is just bad. And then suddenly, the next day, everything seems okay and not really that bad. Of course I am still sad inside, but I feel strong enough to deal with things and I even manage to appreciate and see the good that I have been blessed with. So, whenever I have a terrible day, I simply tell myself that as bad and as hopeless as I feel now (although it seems impossible in the moment) I will probably feel much better tomorrow.