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My All American Girl, 1 month ago...


One month has passed since our daughter Madison became an angel. The past month has flown by so quickly and seems like a blur. It feels like just yesterday we were coming back home from the hospital. I miss feeling her move inside my belly and talking to her. I want to still talk to her because I know she is still listening I but find it hard to. I want her to know how much her Dad and I love her. 

 We still have not been able to bring home "her box" that was given to us at the hospital. It sits in my parent's living room along with the thumb print tree guest book from my baby shower and the beautiful bird house my mom decorated. I've seen it in there, I've glanced at it but I'm scared of it. We don't know for sure what all is in it other than a CD containing photos that were taken of her and her hand and foot prints. We were at my parent's house Saturday night and we had every intention of bringing it home.  When the time came to leave I chickened out.... I don't know why other than I'm just not ready. Mike says he's ready when I am. I don't know if their is a right or wrong answer or amount of time that will ever come. I am thankful for the box but it hurts to think that all that we have of our daughter is in that box. 

I can say that this past month has been really hard but we seem to be slowly getting back into the swing of things. I've been doing endless loads of laundry (and actually putting the clean clothes away) from being gone for two weeks, cleaning the house, cooking, and I even drove to Target by myself to do some Christmas shopping. I did walk around the store in a daze, but I was glad that I took that step to drive and to do it by myself. Mike went back to work while we were in Florida, but now that we are home he will thankfully be working locally so that he can attend my Dr.'s appointments. He loves doing yard work, organizing, cleaning, and re-organizing the garage.  I know for him, keeping busy helps to keep his mind off of everything. 

When I was pregnant with Madison I remember listening to this song every once in a while on my way to work in the mornings. I'd often find myself even crying thinking of our daughter and how she would have her daddy wrapped around her finger (I was very emotional during my pregnancy). 
Every time I hear this song I will aways think of our daughter Madison.


Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 18, 2012 at 11:03 AM

    All I can say to you my dear Sara is that you have an incredibly good life ahead of you and I too hurt deeply for you especially with all the emotions you " bear "
    They say time heals all wounds>>>>> I say not really.

    Love You
    David

    ReplyDelete

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