Skip to main content

My All American Girl, 1 month ago...


One month has passed since our daughter Madison became an angel. The past month has flown by so quickly and seems like a blur. It feels like just yesterday we were coming back home from the hospital. I miss feeling her move inside my belly and talking to her. I want to still talk to her because I know she is still listening I but find it hard to. I want her to know how much her Dad and I love her. 

 We still have not been able to bring home "her box" that was given to us at the hospital. It sits in my parent's living room along with the thumb print tree guest book from my baby shower and the beautiful bird house my mom decorated. I've seen it in there, I've glanced at it but I'm scared of it. We don't know for sure what all is in it other than a CD containing photos that were taken of her and her hand and foot prints. We were at my parent's house Saturday night and we had every intention of bringing it home.  When the time came to leave I chickened out.... I don't know why other than I'm just not ready. Mike says he's ready when I am. I don't know if their is a right or wrong answer or amount of time that will ever come. I am thankful for the box but it hurts to think that all that we have of our daughter is in that box. 

I can say that this past month has been really hard but we seem to be slowly getting back into the swing of things. I've been doing endless loads of laundry (and actually putting the clean clothes away) from being gone for two weeks, cleaning the house, cooking, and I even drove to Target by myself to do some Christmas shopping. I did walk around the store in a daze, but I was glad that I took that step to drive and to do it by myself. Mike went back to work while we were in Florida, but now that we are home he will thankfully be working locally so that he can attend my Dr.'s appointments. He loves doing yard work, organizing, cleaning, and re-organizing the garage.  I know for him, keeping busy helps to keep his mind off of everything. 

When I was pregnant with Madison I remember listening to this song every once in a while on my way to work in the mornings. I'd often find myself even crying thinking of our daughter and how she would have her daddy wrapped around her finger (I was very emotional during my pregnancy). 
Every time I hear this song I will aways think of our daughter Madison.


Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 18, 2012 at 11:03 AM

    All I can say to you my dear Sara is that you have an incredibly good life ahead of you and I too hurt deeply for you especially with all the emotions you " bear "
    They say time heals all wounds>>>>> I say not really.

    Love You
    David

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One Day at a Time

Grieving... it is sometimes described as a "roller coaster" but there are no words to describe the roller coaster that I am on.  Some days go by and I am completely fine, I don't know how but we still laugh, I act goofy with Mike and we are "normal"... our kind of normal.    Then, out of no where it's like someone drops a bomb on you and you spin out of control and a wave of emotions take over and you loose complete control. One minute I'm angry that our daughter is gone and I cannot see her or hold her, the next minute I an anxious about how our life will never be the same and how do I go on with day to day activities. It is the strangest feeling to be so out of control of your feelings and emotions. I want to say that we are "OK" and that 90% of the time we are strong and staying positive, I know that is what Madison would want and that she is looking down on us giving us the strenght we need.   We have a wonderful support group that
Post a Comment
Read more

Beach, July 4th and 4 Months!

Not sure where this past month has gone? We've been keeping busy with trips to the park, the mall, the supermarket and even took a small beach trip! Mason is changing everyday, he continues to amaze me every morning when I wake up to his sweet smiles. His 4 month check up went great, weighing in at 15.8 pounds and 24.8 inches long! (in the 54th %) He is wearing size 2 diapers now and mostly 6 month clothes. Today He actually rolled over from his back to tummy! Eating has become a little challenging because Mason has become so alert of his surroundings he does not want to concentrate on eating, that and a little teething makes for a fun feeding! We received the ok to start some solids and oatmeal by spoon, as well as bananas, avocado, sweet potatoes and peas.  Mason enjoyed his first beach trip, we loved every minute of the fun in the sun and sand! He really is a water baby.  Sweet Cailyn enjoyed playing with Mason and reading him books too!  Ma
Post a Comment
Read more

1 Month... already?!?

This month has FLOWN by, it really is a blur.  I have to say that the first two weeks were pretty hard.  It was a big adjustment bringing Mason home and establishing a routine around eating, sleeping and keeping him satisfied.  As the month went on we adjusted quickly and are beginning to get into the groove of things. Mason is becoming very alert and looks at objects around the house, he loves making eye contact with mommy and daddy and even cracks a little smile! He has started to make fists and bring them up to hold onto his bottle. We started tummy time this month, he's not a huge fan but is very strong and is lifting his head up and scooting his knees.  Weight/Height: You are getting a little chunky and filling out all over, no official weight as of your 1 month but I am sure you are over 8 pounds. You were 20 inches at your last appointment on April 3rd. Your next Dr.'s appointment is May 19! Hair & Eyes: Your hair is dark and growing! Your eyes keep
Post a Comment
Read more