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Landslide

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Mmm Mmm...

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too

This song keeps playing in my head today.  I think it's a sign of how I've been feeling and where my mind is. Over the past three months we've climbed an enormous mountain, one that I never thought that I'd get to the top of, or if I'm even at the top.
I'm not sure what the mountain signifies... maybe grief? maybe this journey?

After we lost Madison and I went to my first Dr.'s appointment they told us to wait six months before trying to conceive again. I didn't know how to take these instructions because at that time all I could think about was becoming pregnant again right away, six months seemed like a lifetime away....
But here we are, three months later and 1/2 way there. Monday, February 18th was three months to the day that we lost our daughter and I cannot honestly say that I am mentally ready to be pregnant again. It's so strange that I couldn't wait at first, but now I am terrified. You would think it would be the opposite.

Comments

  1. HeatherMarch 6, 2013 at 10:59 AM

    Hi I'm Heather! Please email me when you get a chance, I have a question about your blog! LifesABanquet1(at)gmail.com

    ReplyDelete

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